I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
