The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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