i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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