So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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