we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
