Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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