Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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