I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
