So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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