my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
