chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
