It was confusing and full of hummus
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
