Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
