I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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