My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
