Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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