if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
