My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
