so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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