And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
