I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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