Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
