In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
