he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
