Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
