Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
