Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
