i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
