I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
