After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
