i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
another moral hangover. fuck.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
