return my video game
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
