Its about making memories worth repressing
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
