His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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