Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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