You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
