I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
