u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's the barista slut.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
