dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
