We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
