dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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