I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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