he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
