I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
