why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
