I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
