Non-Jews are for practice
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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