Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
