you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
