I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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