That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
