I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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