My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
