I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
