No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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